Aries Spears QuotesAries Spears is an American stand-up comedian, actor and writer from New York City. Spears was a regular on Fox's sketch comedy series MADtv, appearing in 198 episodes, making him the second longest-serving cast member on the show behind Michael McDonald.
I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman – I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic – I said, ‘Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn’t get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can’t just give away that sh*t for free.’
I like to go to the frat house and drink with my white friends, because anytime you go drinking at the frat house, white boys bring you a drink and hand it to you like it’s a top CIA secret. They’ll hand me my drink, and I’ll go, ‘Man, what the hell is in this?’ ‘Dude, don’t worry. Don’t ask, just drink it. I’ll see you in 20 minutes.’ Next thing you know, I’m buck naked, standing on a coffee table, with a cowboy hat.