Aries Spears Quotes

The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.

That’s where the money is, on the road.

I think Chappelle set the bar when he came out with his show. To be as great as him or greater you have to push it a little further – as long as there’s substance in terms of the material.

Eddie Murphy was the Michael Jordan of comedy. He had a full range of abilities.

I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman – I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic – I said, ‘Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn’t get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can’t just give away that sh*t for free.’

I like to go to the frat house and drink with my white friends, because anytime you go drinking at the frat house, white boys bring you a drink and hand it to you like it’s a top CIA secret. They’ll hand me my drink, and I’ll go, ‘Man, what the hell is in this?’ ‘Dude, don’t worry. Don’t ask, just drink it. I’ll see you in 20 minutes.’ Next thing you know, I’m buck naked, standing on a coffee table, with a cowboy hat.

How do you ask a woman to gargle your nuts?

Ladies Commit, There’s A Wedding In It For You.

Because it’s uncensored cable, I think we’ll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn’t been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

I’m from the streets of New York. I know what tough talk sounds like.

There’s got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place.

My momma used to kick in the door like SWAT!