Daniel Handler Quotes

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

The thing with your heart’s desire is that your heart doesn’t even know what it desires until it turns up.

Even the best plans can change if there’s an accident.

Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.

The smell of cooking food is often a calming one.

If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.

The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.

Are you who I think you are?

The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.

The holiday season is a time for storytelling, and whether you are hearing the story of a candelabra staying lit for more than a week, or a baby born in a barn without proper medical supervision, these stories often feature miracles. Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see, and this holiday story features any number of miracles, depending on your point of view.

Lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca.

I opened my mouth and kissed you then, the first time all night, attacked you and surrendered completely, and let’s get out of here. I’m ready, I’m finished, let’s not break up, no, no. Take me home, my boyfriend, my love.