Darynda Jones Quotes

We could make this work, you know.I will knee you in the groin.I could give you a night you will never forget.Because you will be writhing in agony all night and I will laugh unmercifully. It will be unforgettable.

Can you find out how owns C and R industries? They bought the old abandoned mental asylum downtown.That old thing? What are they going to do with it?I don’t know. I was hoping their overcompensating sign would say, but it just says ‘private property’ and shouts lots of threats in capital letters, all of which I plan to completely ignore later.

Okay, I’ll strip. I’ll tap dance. I’ll sing ‘La Cucaracha’ in C minor.

My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names. I pointed to my right breast. This is Danger. Then my left. And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly. After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, You named your breasts? I turned my back to him with a shrug. I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – T-SHIRT

I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We’d had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I.

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken – T-shirt

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt

I’m a virgin. But this is an old shirt. –T-SHIRT

Can I brush your hair? she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.