Dave Barry Quotes

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Never lick a steak knife.

If he (The New York Taxi Driver) talked to me, he might lose his concentration, which would be very bad because the taxi has some kind of problem with the steering, probably dead pedestrians lodged in the mechanism, the result being that there is a delay of 8 to 10 seconds between the time the driver turns the wheel and the time the taxi actually changes direction, a handicap that the driver is compensating for by going 175 miles per hour, at which velocity we are able to remain airborne almost to the far rim of some of the smaller potholes.

I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.

I’ve come to realize that you’re going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you’re not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.

I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don’t take long.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.