Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.
Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.
People saying, ‘Life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.’ Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!
We didn’t have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks.
I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.
Elvis and I call up Cadillac dealerships all night long, suckin’ down Ny Quil stingers and cheese. He says, what the hell’s Lisa Marie thinking with that Michael Jackson crap?
My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in.
My charity is in the business of helping firefighters in any way that we can. For instance, after 9/11 we were the second-fastest charity to raise and distribute money to the widows and surviving family members of the 343 firefighters who died that day.
One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters.
On a movie, you have a great time, and you’re really enjoying the work, and then everybody is done and goes their separate ways, and you maybe never get to work with those people again.
If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I’ve been out of work for a while.
If the world somehow actually ends tomorrow, let all forget about the Mayans and just agree it`s the NHL`s fault
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