Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.
Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.
People saying, ‘Life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.’ Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!
I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.
We didn’t have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks.
Don’t buy the toys that make the noise!
Hockey’s my favorite sport.
The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I’m not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago.
I’ve been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I’ve never won one and I probably never will.
The second season is generally easier do because you know the actors better and they know the characters better and if everybody likes each other you can really go all types of places.
I’m no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it’s Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It’s not nice.
Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.