Garrison Keillor Quotes

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.

It’s a beautiful descent in a 737, into the Bitterroot Valley, following the Clark Fork River, on a perfect golden autumn day.

She gave him such a look… Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.

As for family values, they are whatever they are – some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don’t waste my time, don’t B.S. me, I wasn’t born yesterday.

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.

Vacation cruises are advertised as luxurious journeys to exotic places, but a chief pleasure is the reading of books … . On steamer chairs topside or poolside, in the lounges, everywhere you see men and women with their noses in books, devouring them for hours.

Bravery and adventure! That’s the ticket! Don’t sit and gather moss. Get up, get out, do what you dream of doing, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and you don’t need to made that particular mistake again, but at least you won’t get old wondering what if you had.

Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.

My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.

I don’t want them to be told to remember me.