George Carlin Quotes

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Everyone smiles in the same language.

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It’s what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Your dog thinks you’re a god. Your cat thinks the dog’s an asshole.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.