Groucho Marx Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Celebrate the cracks, because that’s how the light comes in.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

The two most important words in the world are Honesty and Sincerity. If you can fake these you’ve got it made.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.