Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower… Bush said ‘This is great! A little oil rig!’

President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That’s why it’s a 60-second spot.

Senator Kerry recovering very nicely after having shoulder surgery. The doctors said the senator was fully awake, lucid and joking after the surgery was done, but cautioned that that was just the drug. He went back to his boring self soon afterward.

As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I’ll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her.

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.

Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he’s got a new slogan: ‘Put the oval in the Oval Office.’

The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you’ll be able to make calls during your flight. The bad news? The person sitting next to you will be able to make cellphone calls during yourflight.

A Pakistan businessman is claiming that John Walker Lindh is gay and that he was his lover. Say what you will about Lindh, but when this guy goes to play for the other team – he goes all the way … So Lindh may be both a terrorist and a gay man. That may be John Ashcroft’s worst nightmare.

You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? … Former Democrats

Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair.

President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn’t this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off.