Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?
A new study finds that women use their whole brain when listening and men only use half of their brain. You see, men use the other half of their brain to come up with excuses. I don’t think women use their whole brain when listening. I think they use half of it and the other half is used to memorize what men are saying so they can use it against them 10 years later!
It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy.
The federal government said today they’ve begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They’re instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn’t that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name.
Hillary Clinton’s opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she’s going to be running against, has been married three times, had an affair with his chief of staff, had two kids with her while still married to his second wife. This is the first time in history that a Clinton is the ‘family values’ candidate.
The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’
President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him ‘sir’ instead of ‘Mr. President.’ Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn’t know, Arnold’s staff didn’t know, I was shocked as everyone else. If he doesn’t get elected governor, maybe he should work for the CIA. I mean, he can keep a secret better than they can.
Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they’re just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.
More warnings issued by all branches of the government today that another terrorist attack is imminent. We’re not sure when, we’re not sure where, just that it is coming. Who is attacking us now, the cable company?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he’s not gonna run. But I’ll tell ya, if Arnold does run, he better get on the ballot, because you don’t want a write-in with a name like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because people will go – ‘Schwarz, schwarz, oh Davis is easier.’
Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.
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