Lenny Bruce Quotes

If you’re going to stop masturbating, you can’t taper off. You’ve got to quit, cold jerky!

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

There’s always a down side with any freedom. It’s not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

If you’re from New York and you’re Catholic, you’re still Jewish. If you’re from Butte Montana and you’re Jewish, you’re still goyisch. The Air Force is Jewish, the Marine Corps dangerous goyisch. Rye Bread is Jewish, instant potatoes, scary goyisch. Eddie Cantor is goyisch, George Jessel is goyisch-Coleman Hawkins is Jewish.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

I hate small towns because once you’ve seen the cannon in the park there’s nothing else to do.

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

Communism is like one big phone company.

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.