Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that’s the height of my profession. It means you can do everything – sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.
I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn’t making money, they’d put me away.
If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
I left home because I was hungry.
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.
A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, ‘I’ve been going for three months. ‘ I said, ‘How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?’ He said, ‘All of them. ‘