Hello Dr. G!
I met a wonderful guy through my sister in laws family at a party last year. He seemed very nice and quiet and we are now in a long distance relationship.
His father asked me if I liked his son or not? We started going out and everything was ok. He was living in another country and he is 12 years older than me (I am 19).
I was really attracted to this guy but he was very polite and he only kissed my cheeks a couple of times. I asked him if he is not interested in me or if his parents are pushing him to go out with me. He said of course my parents love you and they want me to go out with you but i’m enjoying your company and would like to know you better.
We went out like 6 times before he left. He said he is gonna be in touch with me and he will come back next year.
I hadn’t heard from him for 6 months until I saw his mom at my sister’s place. She said that her son sent me a couple of emails but that I didn’t answer. I was surprised since I hadn’t received anything. To be sure that he has the correct info, I gave her my email and my number.
Couple of days after I got an email from him and he had a wrong address and we were in touch for 4 months he said he is gonna come to Canada in few months. But all the sudden I didn’t hear from him and his mom told me he was sick for 2 months and that he can’t come here now.
I was really disappointed, I really really like this guy & would do anything to make this work but it seems like he is not really interested..
Please help me and tell me what to do..Thanks,
-Nagmeh (Toronto, Canada)
Thank you so much for writing in about your recent relationship. I am confident when I say that all too many of us have been in this situation, and it is no fun. Let me start by saying that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. I actually commend you for allowing yourself to take a chance and open your heart to a situation with some obvious challenges from the very start.
First challenge, he is living in another country.
Second challenge, his mother seems to have A LOT of involvement in his life…has he cut the cord yet? I’m not sure why she is communicating with you more about him than he is directly communicating with you.
Third challenge, long distance relationships are difficult but not impossible when there is a potential end date, at which time you will be living together in the same city. However, there is really no way to grow a relationship long-distance if there is absolutely no contact. You may as well be sending out smoke signals or relying on telepathy (neither of which I recommend). I wish I could help you clarify this situation and tell you something you don’t already know. But you already know the likely situation, which is he is just not interested in a relationship with you at this time.
It may have nothing to do with how he feels about you, so please do not assume that you are not enough for him. He obviously has a lot of things going on, and if he cannot get a hold of you in 6 months because of a lost address or phone number (really???)….hmmm….well I guess it just isn’t that much of a priority for him.
It seems that there is no problem communicating with his mother, and his mother could easily locate you. I’m a little skeptical of that whole story, but at the end of the day it really does not matter. You deserve better. You put your heart out there, and he did not want it, did not want it now, or did not believe that he deserved your love. Try to move forward by meeting a lot of new people, and have faith that he was just not the one for you.
Be well, and don’t stop sharing your heart….he is out there!
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