Performance anxiety is one of the noxious sexual and emotional barriers troubling men today. This is a very common disorder associated with wide range of physical and psychological conditions. Only the sufferer knows how crushing and incapacitating the feeling can be. We all agree that sex is something considered to be a delightful act but in this case, you constantly think, “am I doing ok?” “oh I am too fat” “ is he/she enjoying this” and your mind becomes clouded with doubt and you become obsessed and anxious.

Longterm upset over the appearance or capacity to have sex can be worrisome and ultimately you will avoid having sex completely. We don’t want to be there. So in this article, you will learn the reasons and the management options available to aid you re-establish your sexual prowess.

Causes for performance anxiety

Among greater percentage of men who fail to achieve climax during sexual act does not exhibit any physical issue. Guess where the problem is. Anxiety is a natural warning system of a threat or danger. Here your brain becomes alerted, your muscles tense and readies your body for a fight or flight scenario and the chemicals released, interferes with sexual feelings.

Let’s have a look at some common reasons

1. Lack of self-esteem and low self-worth.

2. Fear of under-performing

3. Inability to achieve climax

4. Premature ejaculation or taking too long.

5. Viewing sex as goal oriented, performance driven, orgasm-centric and erection focused.

6. Distressing sexual encounters.

Bad experiences like having an argument, fight or getting embarrassed for any reason can hamper your sexual power.

7. Certain prescription medications.

Antidepressants, certain anti-anxiety drugs, blood pressure medications.

Managing performance anxiety

Overcoming male sexual performance anxiety

Anxiety is a future-oriented mood that causes worrying about a disastrous possible future event. Management lies in changing the way of thinking as in most cases, it’s all in the head.

It’s better to see a doctor first if you are having performance anxiety. The doctor will do a physical examination and few tests to determine any related physical issues and will get a complete sexual history and drug history to find any medication related impotency. If there is no underlying medical problem, the good doctor will recommend you to talk to a therapist/counselor.

Here are few things you and your partner can work on,

  • Stop beating yourself

You cannot control what your partner thinks of you. Try to think that your partner is as equally or more stimulated than you. Imagination is the key here. Do not try to classify the act as good, bad or something in between. Banish all the negative thoughts and try to get intimate.

Don’t fight it as it can make things worse and probably your partner will understand. Both must be relaxed and communicate with each other. Work together to get an answer and you will be amazed how effective that is.

  • Stop worrying how bad it is to not have an orgasm

So what? It’s not the end of the world, isn’t it? Stop thinking rubbish. You are much more than an orgasm. Get into the mood and you might climax!

  • Get intimate. “the sensate focus technique”

A technique used by the therapists that encourages to get intimate. It motivates the couple to detach all stress from the sexual act. Get the man to focus on feelings and sensations of sexual arousal and enjoy each touch, smell, sound, taste, and movement of the act without thinking about the performance and erection.

  • Don’t see Sex as an obligation

It is not a job to complete. Men who think this way finds sex no longer fun and thrilling as they concentrate mainly on techniques and mechanics of having sex. They ‘think’ about having sex rather than enjoying it. Let yourself go and sink into the experience of physical and emotional intimacy.

  • Exercise

Regular exercise will help you feel confident about your body and energy. Which is vital in overcoming anxiety. Exercise itself is found to have a positive effect on mental disorders including depression and anxiety in recent studies.

  • Deliver foreplay like a champ

You can reduce your anxiety by being more giving with foreplay. So even your sexual performance is not up to the level you or partner wanted, both will be satisfied.

  • Try cognitive behavioral therapy

This can help to cope with traumatic past of an individual and separate him from unpleasant experiences and feelings.

Can Viagra or Cialis be effective against Performance anxiety?

The primary function of these drugs is to correct erectile dysfunction.If your anxiety is centered on not getting an adequate erection, then you will be benefited. They may allow you to worry less on erection and concentrate more on other sexual acts. But they won’t completely eliminate man’s fear of performance as they don’t work on a neurological level. Side effects should also be taken into account before using.

Take it easy on yourself. Get help if you need and get back to healthy and entertaining sex life that you deserve.


1.Tips to Control Anxiety Over Sexual Performance

2. Tips on Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety by Dr. Elliot D. Cohen Ph.D.

3. New Oxford Textbook of Psychiatry 2nd edition.

4. Understanding Performance Anxiety by Stanley Ducharme, Ph.D.

Quotes of the Day

Picture Quotes