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It was that summer, too, that I began the cutting, and was almost as devoted to it as my newfound loveliness. I adored tending to myself, wiping a shallow red pool of my blood away with a damp washcloth to magically reveal, just above my naval: queasy. Applying alcohol with dabs of a cottonball, wispy shreds sticking to the bloody lines of: perky. I had a dirty streak my senior year, which I later rectified.
We so seldom understand each other. But if understanding is neither here nor there, and the universe is infinite, then understand that no matter where we go we will always be smack dab in the middle of nowhere. All we can do is share some piece of ourselves, and hope that it’s remembered. Hope that we meant something to someone
Um, there’s a girl meeting her friend,’ he went on. ‘Her friend is giving her an ice-cream cone. Oh-it’s dripping. Huh. It, uh, dripped on her…chest.’ Iggy drew in a hissing breath. It’s gonna stain for sure,’ the Gasman said. ‘That’s chocolate.’ Hmm,’ Fang said, watching, the girl dab at her chest with a paper napkin.
When we’re home sometimes, she’ll put on mascara. And sometimes I’ll let her wear something out to dinner – but just a little dab. Also having a father who adores you the way that he adores her is very good for your body image. The more we can love her and let her be who she is, the more confident she’ll feel.
I want to show you something, I say. What? He dabs at his lips with the napkin, and for a moment I’m wishing so hard that I am that napkin that I can almost feel myself changing, becoming thin and papery and white. Cal? I sit back and feel myself blushing, feel it from the tips of my toes all the way to the heat at the backs of my ears.