Best Humour Quotes

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

The great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I’ve always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It’s as simple as that.

No man can be an agnostic who has a sense of humour.

It’s vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.

Diplomacy, n. is the art of letting somebody else have your way.

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

Crown Prince Rupprecht, the heir to the throne of Bavaria who commanded the army group facing the British at the Somme, was the senior direct lineal heir of James Stuart, the Old Pretender of 1715. Had there been any Jacobites left in Britain in 1916, they would have had to regard this south German prince as their rightful king.

You can’t take yourself too seriously.

The monster has escaped Elba!The tyrant has landed at Cannes!Bonaparte meets the troops.Napoleon approaches Paris.His Imperial Majesty has entered the capital.

The difference between farce and humour in literature is, I suppose, that farce strums louder and louder on one string, while humour varies its note, changes its key, grows and spreads and deepens until it may indeed reach tragic depths.

Some scientist needs to explain to spectators Einstein’s relativity theory. Before his explanation, he says: ‘I have to suffer a lot explaining something I don’t understand myself.’ This relates to my game: I didn’t understand anything!

To minimize my guilt at going to the pictures – to call this wanton pursuit of an effete pleasure by another name – I needed movie companions as drunkards need drinking partners. If I entered a cinema alone, God might plunge his arm through the roof of the auditorium booming in a stereophonic voice, ‘And you, Crisp, what are you doing here?’ I would never have dared reply, ‘I’m just enjoying myself, Lord.’

If one would cancel all traffic rules and switch off all traffic lights, watching city traffic on TV would be also awfully interesting!

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour – people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them – but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

The worst in life, we are told, is compatible with the best in art. So too the worst in life is compatible with the best in humour.

By pagans the Jews (and later Christians) were seen as perverse, almost indeed as atheists, for they denied the very existence of other gods.

everybody fancies they have that rare thing, a sense of humour.

We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as sympathetic and intelligent conversation.

Once upon a time, a historian told me that the most important choice a new historian could make was of his or her specialist subject. Most of the good stuff was far too overcrowded, so you had to pick about in the exotic and extinct. His recommendations were the Picts or the Minoans, because hardly anything was known about them and you could spend a happy lifetime of speculation.

Relationship humour gets the most laughs. If I’m able to get the women laughing, men will have to laugh along because they would be scared to death.

Dark and sour humours, especially those which have a spice of malevolence in them, are vastly disagreeable. Such men have no music in their souls.

In 1996, the players at the VSB tournament in Amsterdam sent me a card for my wedding with this dedication, ‘Anand congrats on your wedding. You were a great player, now be ready to lose 50 points’.

Humour is a big part of our lives as well as our music. Making it fun is the most important thing.

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

I like a twisted sense of humour. On ‘A History of Violence,’ David Cronenberg and I would be doing the grimmest scenes and laugh a lot.

From the stage I’ve seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

Madness has no sense of humour

I like to always have humour in whatever I do.

Truth is not determined by a majority vote.

Humour is, in fact, a prelude to faith; and laughter is the beginning of prayer … Laughter is swallowed up in prayer and humour is fulfilled by faith.

He (The Agent) just takes ten per cent of your life.