Best Sarcastic Quotes

My father was a very unhappy person, very sarcastic, and my mother was very nervous and worried about what people thought. They weren’t monsters, but it wasn’t a good childhood.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

We’re both [with Mark Wahlberg] capable of being sarcastic, vicious, violent lunatics, but we hold each other in check, appeal to the best aspects of each other.

The Japanese have perfected good manners and made them indistinguishable from rudeness.

Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that’s going along with a story, like I do in life, just talking to myself and making fun of stuff and laughing at stuff that’s serious. And sometimes it’s a good idea to put the laughing into the songs. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s all right just to be serious. But most of the songs have some kind of joke in them.

Making others happy, through kindness of speech and sincerity of right advice, is a sign of true greatness. To hurt another soul by sarcastic words, looks, or suggestions, is despicable.

I’ve been fortunate – I haven’t had too many auditions. I slept with the right people.

Size does matter. There’s a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.

I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it’s based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it’s really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires.

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it’s very easy to surprise people.

The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth – pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What’s more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character.

Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

You slam a politician, you make out he’s the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

Oscar Wilde always makes me smile – with respect and admiration. His short stories prove that it is possible to be both sarcastic, even cynical, but deeply compassionate. Just seeing the cover of one of Wildes books in a bookshop makes me smile.

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we’ll get some fluid and embalm each other.

My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney’s sarcastic black maid. We could call it ‘Mammy & Me.’

You are so pure in mind and heart,
In aspect, too, so mild,
I wonder that you ever could
Implant your wife with child.

Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel ‘sarcastic’ is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it’s almost they feel they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it’s not used in the right way.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

While you remain at home your hair is at the hairdresser’s; you take out your teeth at night and sleep tucked away in a hundred cosmetics boxes – even your face does not sleep with you.

He is mad, bad and dangerous to know.

DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

They are possibly the dumbest people on the planet… We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don’t know about anything that’s happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.