Andy Rooney Quotes

In spite of some bad experiences, I’m a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

I’ve learned… that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.

Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

I’ve learned… That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!