Browsing Topic Best Funny Quotes

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Everyone smiles in the same language.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.