Browsing Topic Best Funny Quotes

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.

I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.