Browsing Topic Best Humor Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Please don’t lie to me, unless, you’re sure I’ll never find out the truth.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

The greatest of all the accomplishments of 20th century science has been the discovery of human ignorance.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

People who have no sense of humor are not aware of it. There, I just explained 35% of life.

I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.

The two most important words in the world are Honesty and Sincerity. If you can fake these you’ve got it made.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.

Never memorize something that you can look up.