W. C. Fields Quotes

William Claude Dukenfield better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler, and writer. Fields' comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his supposed contempt for children and dogs. ...more

Birth: January 29, 1880 - Death: December 25, 1946

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

Topic(s): Funny , Used , Humor

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

Topic(s): Firsts , Two , Week

Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose–to make people laugh.

Topic(s): People , Purpose , Laughing

Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you’ve seen the devil.

Topic(s): Shows , Actors , Acting

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Topic(s): Comedy , Drinking , Lunch

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

Topic(s): Nine , Cigar

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Topic(s): Should , Years , Has Beens

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Topic(s): Book , Funny , Drink

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

Topic(s): Reason , Jobs , Funny

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Topic(s): Men , World , Alive

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

Topic(s): Stronger , Drinking , Beer

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W. C. Fields Quotes