Bob Monkhouse Quotes

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.

I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!

My father was ruined by hard drink – he sat on an icicle.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that’s pretty good at my age.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one’s laughing now

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.