Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Jack Roy popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase “I don't get no respect!” and his monologues on that theme. ...more

Birth: November 22, 1921 - Death: October 05, 2004

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

Topic(s): Men , Age , Wife

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Topic(s): House , Funny , Wife

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

Topic(s): Age , Dies , Cases

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

Topic(s): Funny , Comedy , Teeth

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

Topic(s): Children , Helping , Kids

If you can’t write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

Topic(s): Ifs , Writing , Littles

My son’s an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

Topic(s): States , Teacher , Son

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

Topic(s): Real , Lasts , Games

My wife has teeth like the stars… they come out at night.

Topic(s): Night , Stars , Wife

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Topic(s): Funny , Humor , Headache

My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.

Topic(s): Men , Checks , Old Man

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Topic(s): Dog , Arms , Bones

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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes