Browsing Topic Best Cute Funny Quotes

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it’s somebody else’s secretary, fine.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Things hurt me now. My knees hurt, my back hurts. But your head still thinks it’s twenty-three.

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it’s not, it’s a visa, and it runs out fast.

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.

If I ever do anything, it actually might be some fantasy elf thing or even some cute, funny thing. Just to do something a little bit out of the ordinary. I’ve done my superhero gig.

If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?

Dressing a baby is like putting an octopus into a string bag, making sure none of the arms hang out.

The only time a bachelor’s bed is made is when it’s in the factory.

That doesn’t mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you’re in control of the situation.

If we can’t alter the tide of events, at least we can be nearby with towels to mop up.