Browsing Topic Best Jokes Quotes

R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn’t speak actual words, his jokes don’t land. It’s really a hindrance. And the same with BB-8. But Artoo is a lot stronger.

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don’t have the strength to protest.

Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.

One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed themselves, or making a joke about some horrible tragedy – I love being able to fight for and get on TV. I just think it’s so different.

I make comedies and I always try… I don’t try but I allow to have at least 5% of the jokes or have some jokes that I know will be understood by only about 5% of the audience. It’s that guy in the corner who gets it and laughs. But he has to have his jokes too. That’s part of my audience. Part of my audience is the people who will only get certain things.

I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind working and you are able to come up with new tags for jokes and just riff off things in the room.

Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he’s a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.

A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke.

I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they don’t get so they don’t think it’s funny.

I began writing books after speaking for several years and I realize that when you have a written book people think that you’re smarter than you really are if I can joke. But it’s interesting. People will buy your book and hire you without reading the book just because you have a book and you have a book on a subject that they think is of interest to themselves or e to their company.

It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no. You know what it is? People are adults and they know they’re at a comedy show but every once in a while somebody isn’t an adult and then for some reason, you know, it’s lazy reporting. They’re trying to create this thing that isn’t happening. It’s not like people go in there and are just sitting with laptops open getting ready to blog about every stupid joke.

My doctor said to me afterwards, ‘When you were ill you behaved like a true philosopher. Every time you came to yourself you made a joke.’ I never had a compliment that pleased me more.

I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin’ [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] ‘good evening everybody, remember me, smoking’s bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.

When I started in television, it was brand new. It was the miracle over in the corner of your room. Now the audience has seen every story line. People have heard every joke. They can predict the plot almost before a show starts. That’s a hard, sophisticated audience to reach.

I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me.

The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

I like to joke that I probably hold the world record for rejection letters. Yes, the truth is that I was fed up of being rejected repeatedly, and self-publicatio n was an act of defiance at traditional publishing. But life works in strange ways.

The art world is the biggest joke going. It’s a rest home for the overprivileged, the pretentious, and the weak. And modern art is a disgrace – never have so many people used so much stuff and taken so long to say so little.

You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help you move a body? I was only kidding.

There’s no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you’ve heard before.

The public is gullible. … If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that’s the danger. Then there’s a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

I don’t do plays without jokes anymore. I’ve retired from those plays. I think it’s bad manners to invite people to sit in the dark for two and a half hours and not tell them the joke.

It’s a joke to think that anyone is one thing. We’re all such complex creatures. But if I’m going to be a poster child for anything, anger’s a gorgeous emotion. It gets a bad rap, but it can make great changes happen.

Any jokes I make I try to make sure it’s on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

I’m sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Blake understood. Treated it like a joke, but he understood. He saw the cracks in society, saw the little men in masks trying to hold it together…he saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection of it, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke. That’s why he was lonely.

There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.

It’s perfectly okay if you don’t understand every single one of them.For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and mentally. I consider myself a lucky person because I get to go on stage and tell jokes for an hour. If I miss a connection here and there or my room isn’t ready now and then? It’s not a big deal.

Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has become a very serious science.